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June 4, 2010

So, last weekend I went home for my uncle’s 60th birthday. It was  really nice to see my family and spend time talking with my cousins, brother and sister-in-law, and mom and dad. I thought the weekend was going well and then 30 minutes before we were to leave my mom cried in response to a conversation we were having about the heat. I’m used to tears as we say our goodbyes but these were tears that seemed to communicate hurt feelings. I was stunned. I didn’t know how to respond. My husband, brother and I talked and I realized that I just did not not how to not hurt her feelings when I speak. I was pretty down for a couple days, I HATE conflict or knowing that I hurt someone. I was running with a friend and was talking about it all and realized that there were many times throughout the weekend that I spoke to her as I might speak to my children, with a motherly tone. I’m not sure when this switch in my mind occured, and I remember my mom speaking to my grandma with the same tone and thinking, “Mom, she’s YOUR mom”. Sooo, a new goal of mine now is to honor her with not only the content of my language but also with my tone. I’m posting this here this week as a public apology to my mother, whom I love and honor…but also as a request to those of you who know me and share my life with me to help me keep accountable for my tone.

I also learned this past week that I can look in the mirror and not cringe anymore. I am able to honor myself now as I look in the mirror and believe that I am a beautiful daughter of my Lord and Father. I can see the me who HE created…and my daughter caught a picture of me that I can now use as my first picture on here of my whole face.

Honor comes in many different forms…these are just two I learned more about this week…honor that I hope I can take root in.

Much love and honor to you all.

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